Mang Tomas Lotion

Misis : Darling, ano ang tawag sa isang asawa na sexy, maganda, hindi selosa, mapagmahal, masipag, mapagkalinga, masarap magluto?
Mister: Guni-guni!

***

TANONG: Paano mo sasabihin sa isang babae na mataba siya nang hindi siya mababastos?
SAGOT: “Uhm, excuse me, miss… Mang Tomas ba ang lotion mo?” < oink! > Read more

Yaya

1. Yaya buys food at McDo.
Crew: “Dito niyo na po ba kakainin?”
Yaya: “Puwede sa table?”
———— ——— ——— ——— ———
2. Kid: “Yaya look, boats!”
Yaya: “Dows are not boats, dey’re yachts.”
Kid: “Yaya, spell yachts?”
Yaya: “Yor rayt, dey are boats.” Read more

Yaya

1. Yaya buys food at McDo.
Crew: “Dito niyo na po ba kakainin?”
Yaya: “Puwede sa table?”
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——
2. Kid: “Yaya look, boats!”
Yaya: “Dows are not boats, dey’re yachts.”
Kid: “Yaya, spell yachts?”
Yaya: “Yor rayt, dey are boats.” Read more

Applicants

Two girls nag-aaply ng work… 1 matalino, 1 bobo
Matalino: Buti ka pa natanggap. Ano ba ginawa mo?
Bobo: Wala. Nung nag-fill up me ng form, nilagay ko sa Sex, sure.

Top One

Boy: Nay! Muntik na ako maging top one sa klase!
Nanay: Ba’t mo naman nasabi?
Boy: Ini-announce kasi kanina yung top one sa klase. Ang tinuro ni ma’am yung katabi ko. Muntik na ako!

How how could you tell if it’s a Pinoy Party?

How could you tell if it’s a Pinoy Party? (As observed by our US native sons and daughters.)
- You’re an hour late and there is still nobody else there!
- There’s enough food to feed the people of the Philippines.
- You can’t even get through the door because there’s a pile of 50 shoes blocking the way. Read more

Pinoy Business Names

1. Parlor in San Juan is named ‘Cut & Face’.

2. Wholesaler of balut in Sto.Tomas, Batangas: ‘Starduck’.

3. Fast food eatery in Nueva Ecija: ‘Violybee’

4. Internet cafe opened among squatters named ‘Cafe Pindot’. Read more

Faith Healer

Old man: Can you give me an erection?
Faith Healer: I can make the blind see, make the lame walk and I can
even cure cancer. But, I’m sorry I cannot raise the “dead”.

Airline Cabin Announcements

All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in flight ’safety lecture’ and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

CONTINENTAL AIRLINES
On a Continental Flight with a very ’senior’ flight attendant crew, the pilot said, ‘Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.’ Read more

Mga Pamatay na Hirit

”Kumain ka ba ng asukal? Ang tamis kasi ng ngiti mo!”
”May lahi ka bang keyboard? Type kasi kita!”
”Ipapupulis kita! Ninakaw mo kasi ang puso ko!”
”Are you a dictionary? Kasi, you add meaning to my life.”
”Meron ka bang lisensya? Kasi, you drive me crazy.” Read more

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